We started our trip with an adventurous day in Bangkok. I say adventurous because it was adventure figuring out whether or not I was going to pass out or throw up at any given point in the day.
The passing out was due to the heat, the throwing up due to the smells of rotting fish, trash, and the mystery kitchens crammed together on the sidewalk.
I was hungry, really hungry, so I had to decide on something…and Peter became my perfect food tester. If he lived through it so would I.
We clearly don’t speak the language so we don’t have the luxury (a luxury I take for granted) of knowing what is in the food you we are about to eat. In Bangkok, we had to rely on our noses. If it smells ok, it has a high likelihood of tasting ok. I made Peter buy something, taste it, and tell me how it was. He kept saying, “I don’t know what’s in this but it tastes good.” We mostly consumed anything and everything that looked like it was comprised of flour and sugar.
In his own way, Peter is worse than me. I would rather starve than be seen at McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, Dairy Queen, or Swensen’s, but Peter was ready to hit up all five. He found an add for a 70 cent McFlurry. I said, “gross,” he said “necessary.” Apparently it was necessary because we stopped at the first McDonald’s we saw. Peter got his “mini McFlurry” and I just sat there feeling sick. McDonald’s should have better A.C.
While walking (and melting), we found the electronics street. It was wall to wall, floor to ceiling, electronics. Audio, video, home, car, computer…everything. Imagine if Fry’s had an outdoor swap meet in a small alleyway. Throw in some porn and a million Asian people, and you are there!
After the electronics street, I struggled through a few more tourist sites, never ceasing to remind Peter (in case he had forgotten) how F#&%ING hot it was.
That night back at our hotel, there was an awesome Karaoke party going on in the restaurant. It was awesome because the women at the party were taking it VERY seriously, singing off pitch by a mile, abusing their very own male “air-pianist”, and downing a bottle of whiskey. They were singing traditional Thai songs that were bringing the Thai house down. I swear, if Sabine or Lindsay were there with me we would have been kicked out for laughing so hard. Peter thought it was funny, but clearly not as funny as I thought it was.
Next we flew south to Krabi, took a bus to Ao Nang, and a boat (powered by an exposed car engine) to Railay. We were dropped off at a part of Railay called Tonsai. Tonsai, I have decided, means “we think we’re better than everybody else because we’re hippies in this “gross-bug -ridden- moldy-smelly-hard-core-climber-place” Being the lovely fiance that I am, I agreed to stay the night at a 13 dollar a night dump, under the condition that I would sleep fully clothed AND in a sleeping bag.
After some tears about feeling like I was a cast member in equal parts Survivor and Born Into Brothels, I pulled myself together and we walked around a bit and ate dinner. We went to sleep only to be awaken a few hours later by a screaming four year old trying to break down our door. Don’t worry, I promptly opened the door (terrified this was a trap and that someone was trying to rob us and rape me) I picked up the child and took him to the nearest bar where I returned him to his father who, by the way, didn’t look nearly as shocked or grateful as I had hoped.
Climbing the next day definitely made up for our Fear Factor-esque evening. We climbed on this gorgeous beach with islands sparkling in the distance. It was truly amazing. So amazing in fact that I was becoming one of the crazy-love-to-live-in-filth-hippies and wanted to stay another night in our 13 dollar a night dump. Fortunately because Peter makes the decisions around here, he made this wannabe hippie, pack up her bags and hike through the jungle. Thanks to Peter, we arrived in the much prettier/friendlier side of the Penninsula. He took me to a place that is a whopping 3 dollars more a night with hard laminate floors, a deck, decorative pillows, complimentary sandals, a fridge, hot water, a transvestite front-desk clerk, and a pool! Whoop Whoop!
Thailand really is great. I thought rock climbing with monkeys in nearby trees couldn’t be beat, BUT we found a monkey in a rock climbing store who is only 1 month old and who liked chewing on my sunglasses. He climbed all over me, almost pooped on me, and kept biting my arm. Thank God he doesn’t have any teeth yet. His name is Harry Potter.
The last and greatest thing is that Peter has decided, that in our next place, he will install a kitchen sink spray hose next to the toilet, just like the Thai’s do. He said “Do you know how easy that would be to install? You just put in a Y valve from the toilet supply line. We could save so much paper. This thing is great! It has two uses, a poor man’s bidet and means of self defense in the bathroom.”
Peter is patiently waiting for me at the entrance to this internet cafe so as much as I would like to keep sitting here typing, I am feeling the urgency to wrap it up. Thank you for reading! These funny experiences are so much more fun when they are shared with loved ones.